Kiss Me Goodnight
by Silent Nightengale
Summary: What happens between Erik and Reza while Nadir is frozen by Erik's influence outside on the night of Reza's death? Very sad and pretty


**Here it is in all its glory. The italics are all direct quotation from Kay's ****Phantom**** which I do not own. Except as a physical copy of the book but that doesn't count. And if Erik does not seem to actually do anything with the Koran that is because I'm not sure what sort of "last rites" Muslims require; let's just assume the proper rites get completed at some point without needing to be written in. Thank you for understanding.**

Kiss Me Goodnight

_I let him paint that rainbow._

_For two months the kaleidoscope whirled, making beautiful, many-hued pictures that still glow in my memory like fresh oils. The sorcery of an incomparable genius focused like the sun's rays on the tinder-dry imagination of a child. My house was filled with magic and mystery as Erik seemed to cause the very earth itself to yield long-kept secrets. Windows opened into a world of fantasy and bridges of music spanned deep chasms into a strange and secret realm. It was a timeless period of wonder, bounded only by the rapid creep of a cruel reality that no magic could keep at bay._

_Two months indeed were all I needed to see the terrible signposts at which Erik had darkly hinted. The evening that Reza began to choke unexpectedly on the drink I was holding to his lips, I suddenly what horrors lay ahead._

_A dull heaviness closed in around me as I sent a servant to fetch Erik from the palace site._

As I waited I stood by the windows and watched the sun set, red and terrible against the beauty of the sky, a cool, and gentle breeze brushing my face and rippling through the curtains. Somewhere out in the garden a wind chime, one of the many gifts Erik had made for Reza, rang out its softly lyrical song. As the last of the great bloody orb sank behind the earth a servant came to me quietly with the news that Erik was in sight, riding swiftly, and would arrive at the house soon. I closed my eyes, bowing my head and wondered not for the first time that night if I was doing the right thing.

"Father?"

Reza's weak voice drifted delicately through the open doors to where I stood. My heart seemed to swell within me with love and despair but I mastered my tears and affixed a smile, albeight a sad one, onto my face as I walked into his bedroom. Another servant had already tucked him in and wheeled his chair into the shadows by the door. Reza's blind eyes turned towards my step and a smile lit the wan, white face.

"I was afraid you had forgotten to kiss me goodnight," he said happily reproaching me.

My throat threatened to close, tightening as I came to him. With an effort I found a voice.

"I could never forget that," I assured him and delivered my news. "Erik is coming to visit tonight."

At the mention of that most magical name Reza's face glowed and he clutched at my hands eagerly.

"Is he really?" he gasped joyfully. "Oh, father, may I stay awake to see him? Just for a little while?"

"Yes," I said heavily. "Yes, he will want to come see you."

"Do you think he will bring me a present?" the child asked excitedly and my heart turned to lead.

"He usually does," I murmured, sick at the thought of what sort of treat it truly was that my child, my Reza, was so happily contemplating. He smiled at me and tugged my hand.

"Kiss me goodnight, father, in case I fall asleep while Erik is here; he might sing," he said thoughtfully.

Suddenly wishing that Erik would never come, that I might stay here holding Reza's hand, warm and living, in mine forever, I leaned forward and kissed him.

"Goodnight, Reza," I whispered.

He flung his arms around my neck and pressed his dry, pale lips softly against my cheek before falling back against his pillows, his eyes bright and weary.

"Goodnight, father," he said contentedly and snuggled down in the blankets to wait for Erik. I stroked his hair one last time and rose slowly, reluctant to leave but able to hear the distant calls that told me Erik was at the gates.

_He came at once; and as he stood before me in his white mask and his black cloak, he looked every inch the Khanum's Angel of Doom._

_Taking a vial from his sleeve, he placed a little colorless liquid in a small glass of sherbet and handed it to me._

_"It will be quick," he said quietly, "and he will feel nothing."_

_I stared at the finality of that glass with horror._

_"No," I said with sudden panic, "I can't do this. I will let nature take her course after all."_

_He looked at me steadily._

_"Nature is a cruel and unfeeling goddess. Will you abandon your child into her merciless hands?"_

_Covering my face I turned away from his relentless gaze._

_"I am his father... how can you know, how can you understand, what it means to take life from your own child?"_

_He was silent for a moment; then I felt him lay his fingers briefly on my arm._

_"This is no longer your burden," he softly. "Wait for me here."_

_Once again experiencing that curious paralysis of will, I watched him take up the Koran and pass into the adjoining room._

I felt no guilt as I entered Reza's room; I was accustomed to death and knew what a mercy this one would be both for dear, innocent Reza and my already bereaved Nadir. I knew how irrevocably Nadir would be shattered by the witness of Reza's natural decline. No, they did not either of them deserve what Nature had in store.

A servant was opening the last of the windows that extended along a wall of the room. He started on seeing me, fumbled a gesture of respect and hastened from the room by another door with a pale, uneasy face. For a moment I fancied he knew my purpose there that night and thought idly how had he been Christian he might have anxiously crossed himself once out of my sight. An Angel who had borne such light into a house of slow decay returning once more only to bring Death. I entertained a small bitter smile at the thought and turned my gaze to Reza, his eyes closed and turned contentedly toward the cooling breeze that crept in through the windows with the moonlight and rustled the curtains gently.

I moved forward and for all my reportedly catlike gait the boy turned immediately and smiled glowingly.

"Father said you were coming," he trilled with weary brightness. "He said you might bring me something. Have you Erik?"

Ah! How I understood Nadir's pain! But I grieved more the thought of what horrors awaited Reza if I faltered now.

"Yes, Reza," I said settling myself by his bed, "But nothing very great, only a glass of sherbet. I have added something..."

By God, what drove me to tell him that? And was it only the single lit candle or did his smile flicker for an instant in understanding? I hesitated, unsure.

"What, Erik? Something nice?"

Something nice!

"Something... to help you sleep."

The breeze gently gusted through the curtains, the candle sputtered and wavered-- Reza's gentle smile did not. He lifted his head a little cocking it slightly to the side and for a few, brief, terrifying moments it was as if those long blind eyes could see again, their delicate vibrancy boring into mine. Another soft gust batted the candle and tugged at my cloak as if to recall me to my task and Reza looked away towards the coverlet. I breathed softly again, aware only in that moment that I had stopped.

"I have already kissed father goodnight," he said with a thoughtful sort of satisfaction. He turned to me again. "Erik..." he paused, glancing timidly downward and fingering the edge of his blanket. "Erik," he repeated raising his head, "will you kiss me goodnight?"

The wind caught the words and danced with them. They brushed against me, whispering echoes in my ear, melting like snow on my dumb tongue, mocking me with their simple innocence. Mechanically I set the sherbet and the Koran on the bedside table and bent forward to speak, but unable to utter a sound. Reza reached up to put his arms around my neck as he had done so often before. His hand brushed soothingly over my hair as though I was a frightened animal he was comforting in a storm. And then, and then! Those tender fingers glided down the sides of my mask and to prevent them I did nothing! Gently he lifted the mask from my face; I hardly dared to breathe for fear it would break the spell. Reza drew me closer and, for a moment almost imagining in his caress the forgiving touch of God himself, he pressed his lips against my cheek.

He drew back from my grasp and I opened my eyes to his sweet smile. In the way of all children his lifted his face to me waiting patiently for the desired caress. Though my spirit trembled within me and the night seemed to hold its breath I bowed towards Reza with all the staid calm as I had ever evinced and gently kissed his forehead.

Reza let out a contented, satisfied sigh and sank back to his pillows as I silently reeled, my mind a tempest, scarcely able to believe it.

I, I had kissed Reza and he did not turn away.

I had kissed Reza and yet he did not die.

I had kissed a pure, innocent child of God goodnight and yet I was not struck by fire from Heaven.

"Shall I have my sherbet now?" Reza's soft voice shattered my awed reverie. Ah, the kind understanding of those blind eyes! What strength lay hidden in this frail creature! Reza's calm bolstered mine and brought me back to myself. I was stalwart again and confidant in the mercy of what I was doing. At a kiss I had faltered but in this I was sure.

I reached over to the table and drew the glass between us helping his seeking hands to find it.

"I shall go to sleep quite easily tonight," he predicted happily as he ate.

"Yes, Reza, quite easily."

I watched in silence as he finished the dessert and when he was done, took the dish and set it aside again, quietly urging him to lie back against his pillows.

"Please," he protested, his voice already weakening with the poison's effect, "might I look out the windows, just once more before I fall asleep?"

I could not deny him; I had no desire to try. I lifted Reza's small frame carefully in my arms and carried him to the open windows, bright with moonlight. He sighed deeply in the night breeze and rested contentedly against my chest. I had no eyes for the magnificence of Persia by night; only for Reza. I stood and gazed down on his sweet, contented visage and felt as though some of his peace were flowing just for that moment into my own tormented soul, easing the wretchedness that was imminently the nature of my existence. His eyes now closed, Reza's lips moved infinitesimally. I bent my head to hear the scarcely audible words.

"...ha il Allah..."

"Muhammad-ur-Rasool-Allah," I finished for him in a whisper and spurred but what impulse I do not know and despite the mask I again wore, kissed his brow once more.

_Time slid through my limp grasp and there was a sluggish throbbing in my head that seemed to extend to all my muscles. His voice was a dead weight in my mind, dragging me down and numbing all inclination to resist._

_The moment of choice had been taken from me and now the last sound my son would hear was the voice of an infidel... an unbeliever..._

_Swirling, drowning in that bottomless lake, I grasped the knife of my faith and freed myself from the strangling weeds that were settling around me like a shroud. I broke loose from the spell that bound me and rushed into the silent chamber beyond._

_Save for the muted glow of a candle in the prayer niche, the room was in darkness now. All the windows along the garden side of the wall had been pushed open to admit the wind that was blowing in from the Caspian Sea._

_Erik turned as I entered the room. For a moment the wind took his cloak, making it swirl out around him as he came toward me with all the slow majesty of a winged angel returning to earth._

_"There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet," I whispered hoarsely._

_There was a faint sigh in response, the barest flutter of breath from Reza's slack white lips._

_The boy was already dead when Erik laid him in my arms._


End file.
